Friday, May 20, 2011

Fifty ways to loose your luggage (The budget airline song)

The budget airline song - Fifty ways to loose your luggage

to be sung to the tune of Paul Simon's Fifty ways to leave your lover

This song is inspired by the endless frustration at airports where the glamour of air travel has given way to an experience not far removed from that of the coach stations of old. To make up for their government-subsidised cheap ticket prices budget airlines have resorted to all kinds of surcharges combined with cost savings which can tire the most seasoned traveller. Whilst the situation is global, in Europe, Ryanair, the airline whose executive pondered about charging for the use of toilets whilst in flight and suggested the introduction of planes with standing room instead of seats to pack in more passengers, is the most notorious contender, charging you for the privilege to print your own boarding cards, offering you "priority boarding", which is really "priority waiting", since after you've been allowed to go first through the barrier, you simply wait at the end of the corridor whilst the remaining passengers wait to be let through, after which all passengers are let out to the aircraft together scrambling for any available seat. As the saying goes: Time to spare, go by air. To make you buy expensive low quality food on board, the airline insists that even the sandwich you bought at the airport has to fit into your one piece of hand luggage. Many passengers are going through the embarrassment of repacking their bags to match the prescribed dimensions. Should your reading book not fit inside you will have to conceal it somewhere on your body to avoid being surcharged, which lead me to paraphrase Paul Simon's song. I could have added many more rhymes but wanted to keep as close to the original song as possible. You're welcome to add your own version via comments.

Air travel used to be a joy some time ago
Service was good but prices were not too low
Then along came budget flights at prices you'd afford
And with it came limits of how much to take on board
There must be fifty ways to loose your luggage

She sad it's really not my habit to be rude
But to defeat the constant checks, the method must be crude
To stop yourself from being pursued
There must be fifty ways to loose your luggage
Fifty ways to loose your luggage

Hide it under your hat, Pat
They'll never spot that
Put on an extra coat
And get yourself free
Hop on the plane, Jane
Don't let them drive you insane
Just fill all your pockets, Lee
And get yourself free

She said why don't you get a waist belt to conceal
All your belongings, so they don't look as real
Plus all the duty free you bought for the in-flight meal
There must be fifty ways to loose your luggage
Fifty ways to loose your luggage

Hide it under your hat, Pat
They'll never spot that
Put on an extra coat
And get yourself free
Hop on the plane, Jane
Don't let them drive you insane
Just fill all your pockets, Lee
And get yourself free

3 Comments:

At 21 May 2011 13:56, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crass cattle carrier

 
At 21 May 2011 17:56, Anonymous M Rahman said...

Mustaqim,

Great poem!! Really flows to the song.
I feel your pain.
If you haven't seen this crude ryanair Hitler rant spoof, then it is quite entertaining:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0rxASx1SxY

 
At 30 May 2011 10:04, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff

You need to be on twitter and Facebook brother, there's a massive void in the social network that needs filling with your words of wisdom!

Wasalam

 

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